I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
