why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize