Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
