Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
