she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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