So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
