i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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