Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
