What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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