Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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