They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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