Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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