There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
