Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
