Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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