do herpes really smell.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want a musical about memes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
