i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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