they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
