just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
