She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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