who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
