did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
