Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
