i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
