and you said cock pushups were impossible
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
