look no pants
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize
