Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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