I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
