I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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