This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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