Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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