dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
