I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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