I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
