My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
