went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
