Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
