I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
