I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
this will be a night to untag.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
