Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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