I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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