You really coming over, don't trick.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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