just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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