I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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