i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
