We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
