we have pet lesbian snakes
vagina is talking i cant
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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