moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
