How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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