I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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