make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize