I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
