I got her a Nickelback box set.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
