I think I won the penis lottery.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
