Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
