Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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