I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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