I wish life had little blips of pornography
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
send nudes
from the living room?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
