I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
