just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
