you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize