everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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