maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So vagazzling was a success
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
