they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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