true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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