I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
