im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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