So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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