If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The power of my boobs compel you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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