and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm both gender and math confused
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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