i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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