I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you win again, gameday.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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