I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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