if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
