I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
