she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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