Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Operation Purity has been aborted
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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