Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
