2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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